HBMJTT 狩猎美男之古旅—Chapter 02: Settling Down

Hunting for Beautiful Men, a Journey Through Time 狩猎美男之古旅 (Volume 1)

Chapter Two: Settling Down

Settling down—Traveled back in time, my knowledge and talents are now useless, I am familiarizing myself with the environment and awaiting the perfect opportunity, in short, I’m hidin’ out.

By: stein

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When I opened my eyes again, I’m laying in a ship’s cabin, my body tired and aching all over, placed over me was an ancient Chinese style looking outer coat. Just as I was suspecting whether or not I’ve leapt through time, an old man dressed in typical clothes from ancient times proved my suspicion.

“Miss, you are awake?”

I pulled on the old man’s clothes and shouted hysterically, “Sir, what dynasty is this? Who is the emperor?”

The old man calmly answered, “We are east of of the Hai Yuan Kingdom, the emperor is Hai Jie Zhi.”

Never heard of it before! It seems I’ve traveled to some other ancient China. Now my fluent foreign language skills are useless, the advanced laser technology I majored in can’t be put to use, I went from a modern time high-tech professional to an ancient time no-tech idiot.[1] As the old man spoke, my entire world shattered into pieces. But there is a silver lining to all of this misfortune, and that is they also speak Chinese here.

Uncle Liu here was kind enough to take me in. According to him, when he was returning from sea the other day, I suddenly appeared floating on the sea surface after a clash of thunder and lightning, with my strange navy blue garment and sparkly shoes, my hand clutching tightly around a box of something. Then he went and fetched my Louis Vuitton clutch and a small box of something, that box of something was—Joan of Arc brand artificial hymen.

I wanted to faint, but was feeling too great. Could it be that fate has tangled us together? Since my dreams of becoming a strong modern woman were cruelly dashed, I might as well stay in the past and become a female sexual predator, be a self-made woman, with high aims and full of ambition. (Who puts becoming a female sexual predator as their future ambition? >__<  Are you a normal woman or not!?) Also, I’ve lost my other high heel, I don’t even know if I can get back to my own time wearing just one shoe. And just like that, with my head still filled with a bunch of questions, I fell into a deep sleep.

The next day, Uncle Liu and I went out to sea to fish together, after we returned in the afternoon, I volunteered to help Uncle Liu mend his fishing net. However, after I was done, the net actually shrunk to half its original size! Although I’m not good at doing housework, I was a good cook. This was the essential skill for a student studying abroad. So that night I cooked a feast for Uncle Liu with a bunch of different fish.

After I brought the food to the table Uncle Liu was reluctant to sink his chopsticks into it. Was he afraid that it was terrible tasting? So I took a few bites of each dish and bore the blunt of it. Uncle Liu carefully watched as I ate, and after five minutes or so, he finally moved his chopsticks. Even if I didn’t do a good job cooking he didn’t have to treat it like poison, so mean~ my soul was traumatized.

After Uncle Liu finished eating, he complimented me a little on my cooking, I wasn’t sure if he really meant it or just did it out of politeness. But I’d like to think he was sincere, at least this way I would have a reason to stay by Uncle Liu’s side, at least this way I could go from a no-tech idiot to a three star chef. (Author: normal women all know how to cook, don’t go around shamelessly giving yourself titles.) Before this I had high hopes and great ambitions, I planned on returning to China and make something of myself. But now that I’m in ancient China, I’m only slightly more useful than junk, this has taken a toll on my self-esteem, why must the exceptional be put through such hardship![2]

Believing that perhaps I’ll return to my own time one day when I get struck by lightning again (Author: provided that it doesn’t kill you first!), I’v decided to temporarily live in this village. So I carefully put away my Louis Vuitton clutch, my “costume” (dress, shoe and necklace), as well as my Joan of Arc.

Because of me, the new addition to the village, Uncle Liu had to expand his house, and so all the young men of the village came to help. While they worked, I stood on the side and watched, but I realized later that the more I watched them, the less efficient they were, they even broke some stuff in my house! (YOUR house? It’s Uncle Liu’s house!) Damn my natural bedroom eyes! Ever since I lost my contacts at sea, I have to squint every time I want to see something, I guess I looked pretty foxy. (Don’t flatter yourself. What kind of girl from ancient times stares at men shamelessly like you? Those simple and honest village lads were stripped naked by your glances, of course they are breaking things. ) I was afraid to keep supervising, only occasionally pouring some tea for them. Seeing how they took the tea from me like timid young girls, I was really digging it, and couldn’t help but wonder, why don’t we have simple guys like these back in my time? (With women like you walking around, those guys won’t be around for long.)

Sexual culture corruption! In Germany talking about sex isn’t such a hush-hush topic like it is in China. I remember once attending a party held by the university against having kids, and they gave us each a condom, before I realized what was going on, a German girl came over and told me her boyfriend doesn’t like the one they got but like the one I was holding. O—kay, you just go ahead and take it, don’t be shy, I’m not gonna be using it.

While I daydreamed, the guys looked over at me and saw me blanking out, so they even washed the tea bowls for me. Awesome! These men really are essential for traveling and home purposes. Perhaps it’s not too bad to find an honest and simple guy here and live out my life.


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Translator’s Notes:

I felt like I needed to do something happy so here it is, chapter two.

As always, please like, comment, and follow if you’ve enjoyed reading!~ Ciao! ❤


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1 The original word here said 草包 which means idiot, but I decided to make it funnier and add no-tech to that.
2 The original words here being 天妒英才, which literally translates to the heavens are jealous of the exceptionally talented. Usually this is written somewhere at a funeral ceremony of someone who died as a young man (I think they write 天妒红颜 for girls, not 100% sure, let me read up on my funeral traditions later) this could also in a way mean that talented people have hard lives. Think Picasso or Poe, poor sad talented people 😦

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20 comments

  1. Murong Qingyu · December 26, 2017

    Life goal: Sexual predator

    Hai! me too

    Like

  2. Hang · March 22, 2015

    I was surprised to find out that there is artificial hymens in real life. Just learned something new…thanks for posting the article. Can’t wait for the next chapter.

    Liked by 2 people

    • bearbear · March 23, 2015

      Next chapter is up~ 😀 hope you enjoy!

      Like

    • miss.rubii · December 11, 2015

      Yup not only did it broaden my scope of knowledge, but also cleared up an embarrassing confusion (Better now than later I guess, and in private too). If anyone is curious on what I was confused about, I will shamefully say it, but feel free to just not read it and save me from embarrassment and your time (either will do).

      Anyways, when I saw the words “artificial hymens”, I thought “no way, it can’t be that female part” (oh why did I doubt myself…). Then as I examined these words closely, I had a faint recollection (I swear) and thought “wait isn’t hymen some sort of song.” -.- (my face when I realized how stupid I was and how all these years I have overestimated my memory and rationality; and sorry if it offends anyone just I really just misunderstood..badly…). Yes, if anyone had guessed the right word, it was “hymns” (I want to cry T-T). But let me just say that I saw this word only once or twice (hmph)! But ok, I admit I am very below average when it comes to common knowledge…

      Google-sensei, on the other hand, has too much common knowledge. So I consulted with him and it confirmed my suspicions and my stupidity.

      This is what I got:
      Definition: A hymn is a type of song, usually religious, specifically written for the purpose of adoration or prayer, and typically addressed to a deity or deities, or to a prominent figure or personification. The word hymn derives from Greek ὕμνος (hymnos), which means “a song of praise”. The singing of hymns is called hymnody.

      P.S. Oh and I just remembered, this actually isn’t my first offense! During the times as an ignorant preteen (ahem MORE ignorant), I said “condom” rather than “condo” with my friend (I apologize to all the dwellers in that condo that I was proudly pointing to at that time). Not telling what happened later.

      P.S.S. Wow I really wrote a reflection! Never knew going on your blog and reading an awesome translation would result in a very significant moment in my life that I will never forget- to become less ignorant.

      Anyways I appreciate your time in translating this project! I’m gonna head to reading the rest of the chapters now! Thanks 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      • Bearbear · January 7, 2016

        Hahahah! That’s a really funny! I’m so glad you decided to share this with us 🙂
        I think I had accidentally said condom in place of condo before too so you aren’t alone.
        When I was typing I made EXTRA careful I didn’t accidentally let hymen be corrected to hymn so I kinda expected that confusion xD

        Like

  3. hamster428 · March 21, 2015

    When I read ‘artificial hymen’, I had to google to see whether these actually exist 😣 learn something new everyday

    Like

    • bearbear · March 21, 2015

      LOL, and apparently it’s real. The real thing is called Joan of Arc Red or 贞德红处女膜. I’m not sure if you came across this but I laughed when I realized that the brand name wasn’t entirely made up! xD

      Also, this article was hilarious xD
      http://nymag.com/thecut/2012/09/sex-with-a-fake-hymen.html

      Like

      • hamster428 · March 22, 2015

        I did see that article. All potically and socially correct issues aside, I was simultaneously cringing and laughing my head off. Apparently it must work better than the author says cuz it’s hugely popular among certain ahem trades.

        Like

        • bearbear · March 22, 2015

          Hahahah I laughed so hard when she broke the first one xD but honestly this would be considered a pretty great invention for the adult industry xD

          Like

  4. Bigbrainitchy · March 20, 2015

    This chapter is so funny!
    It’s amusing that she acts so ‘shameless’ in the ancient times!!
    Thx for another entertaining chapter !!!

    Like

  5. cathdeary · March 19, 2015

    To be sorrounded by guys, present and antient rimes, im speachless. Applauds.

    Like

  6. wanderingsoot · March 19, 2015

    Not the first one but I’d like to say that I was probably most enthusiastic about this!
    Ah, Ou Yuan… you’re so great xD I’m so so so curious about the male leads though!

    Like

    • bearbear · March 19, 2015

      Just a heads up, this is a reverse harem story xD so there’s at least 7 or 8 or more guys I think xD I didn’t finish reading. BUT there’s a lot of them!

      Liked by 1 person

  7. inno · March 19, 2015

    Oh btw, if you don’t mind, may I ask in advance who’s going to be the male lead in the novel? Is it the emperor? Is this an ancient “palace” novel? Does it have a happy ending?

    Like

    • bearbear · March 19, 2015

      LOL this is super funny because I JUST edited the main post with all my works and added on there how some of the stories end and how many male characters were in this story. I counted at least 7 guys in this story, and the ending is happy, but it does depend on who you ship her with the most. But after a quick look at the ending and spoiling it for myself (I didn’t mind) it’s a happy ending.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. inno · March 19, 2015

    Wow, thanks for the second chapter! It only cemented my interest and excitement to read this novel. Of all things to bring in another time dimension, she’s got these artificial hymens. Haha, hilariously funny! Looking forward to the next chapters. 😀

    Like

    • bearbear · March 19, 2015

      She made a joke about the genre, since all the other girls all seem to know about history or have some sort of useful skills xD but all she had was that box of artificial hymen xD I still laugh thinking about it!

      Liked by 1 person

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