Hunting for Beautiful Men, a Journey Through Time 狩猎美男之古旅 (Volume 1)
Chapter Two: Settling Down
Settling down—Traveled back in time, my knowledge and talents are now useless, I am familiarizing myself with the environment and awaiting the perfect opportunity, in short, I’m hidin’ out.
When I opened my eyes again, I’m laying in a ship’s cabin, my body tired and aching all over, placed over me was an ancient Chinese style looking outer coat. Just as I was suspecting whether or not I’ve leapt through time, an old man dressed in typical clothes from ancient times proved my suspicion.
“Miss, you are awake?”
I pulled on the old man’s clothes and shouted hysterically, “Sir, what dynasty is this? Who is the emperor?”
The old man calmly answered, “We are east of of the Hai Yuan Kingdom, the emperor is Hai Jie Zhi.”
Never heard of it before! It seems I’ve traveled to some other ancient China. Now my fluent foreign language skills are useless, the advanced laser technology I majored in can’t be put to use, I went from a modern time high-tech professional to an ancient time no-tech idiot. As the old man spoke, my entire world shattered into pieces. But there is a silver lining to all of this misfortune, and that is they also speak Chinese here.
Uncle Liu here was kind enough to take me in. According to him, when he was returning from sea the other day, I suddenly appeared floating on the sea surface after a clash of thunder and lightning, with my strange navy blue garment and sparkly shoes, my hand clutching tightly around a box of something. Then he went and fetched my Louis Vuitton clutch and a small box of something, that box of something was—Joan of Arc brand artificial hymen.
I wanted to faint, but was feeling too great. Could it be that fate has tangled us together? Since my dreams of becoming a strong modern woman were cruelly dashed, I might as well stay in the past and become a female sexual predator, be a self-made woman, with high aims and full of ambition. (Who puts becoming a female sexual predator as their future ambition? >__< Are you a normal woman or not!?) Also, I’ve lost my other high heel, I don’t even know if I can get back to my own time wearing just one shoe. And just like that, with my head still filled with a bunch of questions, I fell into a deep sleep.
The next day, Uncle Liu and I went out to sea to fish together, after we returned in the afternoon, I volunteered to help Uncle Liu mend his fishing net. However, after I was done, the net actually shrunk to half its original size! Although I’m not good at doing housework, I was a good cook. This was the essential skill for a student studying abroad. So that night I cooked a feast for Uncle Liu with a bunch of different fish.
After I brought the food to the table Uncle Liu was reluctant to sink his chopsticks into it. Was he afraid that it was terrible tasting? So I took a few bites of each dish and bore the blunt of it. Uncle Liu carefully watched as I ate, and after five minutes or so, he finally moved his chopsticks. Even if I didn’t do a good job cooking he didn’t have to treat it like poison, so mean~ my soul was traumatized.
After Uncle Liu finished eating, he complimented me a little on my cooking, I wasn’t sure if he really meant it or just did it out of politeness. But I’d like to think he was sincere, at least this way I would have a reason to stay by Uncle Liu’s side, at least this way I could go from a no-tech idiot to a three star chef. (Author: normal women all know how to cook, don’t go around shamelessly giving yourself titles.) Before this I had high hopes and great ambitions, I planned on returning to China and make something of myself. But now that I’m in ancient China, I’m only slightly more useful than junk, this has taken a toll on my self-esteem, why must the exceptional be put through such hardship!
Believing that perhaps I’ll return to my own time one day when I get struck by lightning again (Author: provided that it doesn’t kill you first!), I’v decided to temporarily live in this village. So I carefully put away my Louis Vuitton clutch, my “costume” (dress, shoe and necklace), as well as my Joan of Arc.
Because of me, the new addition to the village, Uncle Liu had to expand his house, and so all the young men of the village came to help. While they worked, I stood on the side and watched, but I realized later that the more I watched them, the less efficient they were, they even broke some stuff in my house! (YOUR house? It’s Uncle Liu’s house!) Damn my natural bedroom eyes! Ever since I lost my contacts at sea, I have to squint every time I want to see something, I guess I looked pretty foxy. (Don’t flatter yourself. What kind of girl from ancient times stares at men shamelessly like you? Those simple and honest village lads were stripped naked by your glances, of course they are breaking things. ) I was afraid to keep supervising, only occasionally pouring some tea for them. Seeing how they took the tea from me like timid young girls, I was really digging it, and couldn’t help but wonder, why don’t we have simple guys like these back in my time? (With women like you walking around, those guys won’t be around for long.)
Sexual culture corruption! In Germany talking about sex isn’t such a hush-hush topic like it is in China. I remember once attending a party held by the university against having kids, and they gave us each a condom, before I realized what was going on, a German girl came over and told me her boyfriend doesn’t like the one they got but like the one I was holding. O—kay, you just go ahead and take it, don’t be shy, I’m not gonna be using it.
While I daydreamed, the guys looked over at me and saw me blanking out, so they even washed the tea bowls for me. Awesome! These men really are essential for traveling and home purposes. Perhaps it’s not too bad to find an honest and simple guy here and live out my life.
I felt like I needed to do something happy so here it is, chapter two.
As always, please like, comment, and follow if you’ve enjoyed reading!~ Ciao! ❤
1 The original word here said 草包 which means idiot, but I decided to make it funnier and add no-tech to that.↩
2 The original words here being 天妒英才, which literally translates to the heavens are jealous of the exceptionally talented. Usually this is written somewhere at a funeral ceremony of someone who died as a young man (I think they write 天妒红颜 for girls, not 100% sure, let me read up on my funeral traditions later) this could also in a way mean that talented people have hard lives. Think Picasso or Poe, poor sad talented people 😦↩