Hunting for Beautiful Men, a Journey Through Time 狩猎美男之古旅 (Volume 1)
Chapter One: School Life
Past events—I traveled through time and space with a box of “Joan of Arc” brand artificial hymen.
Having just finished suffering through school life, I didn’t expect to be electrocuted back in time. When other people leap through time they have a bunch of useful things with them, but all I have is a box of “Joan of Arc” brand artificial hymen. >__< Could it be that I am destined to have something to do with “Joan of Arc”? Or perhaps the heavens it took pity on how a beauty like me died so young, so they let me use this box of “Joan of Arc” to have my ways with hotties from the past? And thus, starts my journey through time ….
Sitting on the plane ride home, I thought back to my 19 years of school life.
I’m Ou Yuan, pretty expensive name eh? When my mom and dad named me, they certainly didn’t know the European Union was going to settle on this name as the name of their currency. I was a tomboy back in high school, and I had a pack of friends, they were all male. For university, I got admitted into the physics department, where girls were considered to be protected animals, and treated like pandas. I was going to dig up a few good looking hotties, but when I knew that there was a school regulation forbidding girls from entering the guys’ dormitories, I was heart broken. Last term, the girls were able to walk freely in and out of the guys’ dorm, but when it got to our term, the guys thought that the times have changed, and demanded equality between the sexes, requesting that the school change their regulations.
My plans of getting a guy in university was off to a bad start.
My university was known for having pretty girls, so my pack of friends used treating me to lunch as an excuse and treated themselves to some eye candy. This caused all the guys in my department to see me eating with different guys every time, falsely gaining me the reputation for being quite the “female playa”. Just like this, I was able to stumble my way to a degree, and go off to Germany for my master’s degree.
When I got there I realized how passionate these international friends can be, so why not start a transnational romance? With the intention of tasting “cuisines” from various countries, I met some foreign male friends (Lead Female Pig: don’t you guys look down on me, food is the number one necessity. Everyone: are you a pig? Lead Female Pig: the desire for food and sex is part of human nature, food comes before sex. Also, I’m called the Lead Female Pig, so what more do you want from me!?). But due to me not acting on my intentions, the passions of these international friends faded over time. Finally, realizing that my appetite favoured “Chinese cuisine” more, I headed back home, loudly singing “My Chinese Heart” and holding onto my Master of Science in Laser Technology degree.
To sum it up, my love life has been a blank slate.
First night back home, I got a phone call from my good friend Ping, asking me to lunch tomorrow, and to hang out and do some shopping at the mall where she worked. To offset my jet lag, I planned to go to bed early. Mom and dad asked one question before bedtime, “Has your old problems gotten better?”
I shook my head.
“Then marry yourself off early, we are afraid we can’t afford to raise you.” They said with depressed looks on their faces, afterwards, they both left for bed.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m actually very healthy, the only teensy-weensy thing wrong with me was that electronics seem to break in my hands for no apparent reason.
Mom was superstitious, saying that I was possessed by a ghost when I was one, and this was the aftermath of the possession. Dad on the other hand, was an atheist, and said that it was because I stuck my finger in the electric socket when I was six, and fainted from the electrocution, and this was the after effect of electrocution. Finally, my university electrical science professor said that my body has greater capacitance, or electrical capacity, than most people. The greater the storage volume, the greater the energy will be at the time of the electrical discharge. Which is why it can affect some poor quality electronics.
Why didn’t I ask the professor to recommend me to the National Quality Inspection Department, no poor quality electronic devices shall leave under my watch. When is the country going to recognize this and hire me? I have a talent!
I thought I was benefitting mankind, but mankind saw me as a menace to society, public enemy number one. The way they looked at me were like pests in a pesticide commercial, shouting, “Kill the pest, kill it!”
But because of this teensy-weensy problem of mine, my journey of going abroad was smooth sailing.
- When I was registering for TOEFL exams my best friend helped me line up, I was touched to tears. They explained to me, saying that in order to reduce the loss of state property through damages in public electronic devices during the period of development, it’s wise to send me off early to damage the public properties of developed countries. This was more conductive for the development and construction of the national economy, as well as bridging the gap between us and developed countries. But I thought to myself, if you love your country and your government so much then why aren’t you a Party member? Why haven’t they discovered how much you love them? Besides, if you want me to bridge the gap between our countries how much electronics will I have to destroy!? >__<
- During the experiment we had in our electronic science class, my group was the first to do the experiment. And ever since I did it, none of the other students need to conduct the experiment anymore, because the precision instrument was broken. Everyone lined up to thank me for my great contribution, by taking away a project. Thinking back to how the Dean looked at me with resentment, his mind probably think, “When is this harbinger of doom going to graduate? Whoever fails this girl and postpones her graduation will have to deal with me cutting their bonuses.” So my grades were always in good standing.
- Due to my poor track record, when I was graduating and showed intentions of going abroad to continue my studies, my department professor was so incredibly moved. I bet he won’t even be this moved if the whole world were to adopt a communist regime. Based on my grades and performance I thought I wouldn’t be able to get a good recommendation letter, but I was pleasantly surprised when the professor gave me my letter of recommendation and praised me to the skies. So great that it almost praised my peel off (because I’m a rotten potato), and they did so without missing a beat. I guess straight up lying takes an experienced person with thick skin, they were much better at it than us youngsters.
In short, I’m back. Before falling asleep, the lights in our house flickered a few times, I gotta remind mom tomorrow that these lights are getting old and needs to be “retired”.
The next day, I went to the salon and got a shoulder length haircut, wore my navy blue dress that I haven’t worn in ages, along with a pair of flashy silver high heels, flagged down a taxi and headed to the mall to find Ping.
Finally, I found her on the third floor ladies counter. It turns out, she sold “Joan of Arc” brand imported artificial hymens. >__<
©_© Oh my gosh, thank goodness I wore my sunglasses, but I was still red to the ears. Ping was getting off soon so she went to get changed, saying someone will be here soon for the next shift, and wanted me to wait there and look after her stuff. Before I could refuse, she ran away. Fine, I’ll be an ostrich and ignore the embarrassment, I’ll just take this chance to open my eyes to new things and do some learning.
I carefully read the instructions:
Please insert ten to twenty minutes before engaging in sexual intercourse, prior to engaging in intercourse, the woman should adjust her position appropriately, so the man will have difficulties penetrating at first. You may see better results if combined with painful moaning and bashfulness upon the tearing of the hymen.
One word, AMAZING! Who invented this thing? I’ve been studying for almost twenty years, doing experiments for seven years, how come I never developed anything with such practical value? I’m such a failure.
Embarrassment aside, I looked around and saw that the mall was preparing for some centennial celebrations. There were multicoloured lights in the middle of the hall, and even someone there doing repair work. I took a closer look and realized it was actually a hot guy. His charming eyes slightly tilted upwards, they were bright and had a twinkle in them, his face was unmatched in its handsomeness. He ruminated over something and lifted the corner of his mouth, I saw it and it felt like a surge of electricity passing through me.
0__0 Wow, people who deal with electricity on a daily basis does have more power to electrocute people, I felt a shock seeing him lift the corner of his mouth, if he smiles at me, I’m probably going to need an ambulance.
Normally speaking, I’ve seen plenty of hot guys abroad so I should be kinda immune to this sort of thing, so let me hate myself a little. But it still can’t hold me back from my desire and pursuit of beauty. This hot electrician sure enough wasn’t the regular level of hot, I really have to admire him for that. But he has proven a theory we usually go by, which was that, “School smart people were mostly so-so looking, and good looking people were only so-so in school.” To prove this, a classmate of mine that came back from a trip in Spain told me that the hottest guy she saw was the one selling veggies in the market, she told me to go there and see for myself. Right now I’m thinking, of the two days that I’ve been back, the hottest guy I saw was the guy repairing lights.
Everybody has an appreciation for beauty, so it’s not rude of me to stare a little. Perhaps he felt the pervy scorching glances behind his back, so he looked over at me. I quickly checked to see if I looked presentable, and just then, an innocent child’s voice rang in my ears. “Hey big sis, what are you selling?” Turns out, it was a four-year-old little boy.
|||-__-||| I had black lines all over my face, I can’t corrupt an innocent child, but more importantly, I didn’t want the hottie to think this was my job, that I sold these stupid artificial hymens.
“Hey there little guy, what are you doing here?”
“Waiting for my mom.”
“Ok, then be good and wait.”
And then I just left him there, I gotta hurry to get me that hot guy, and it seems he was looking over here at me as well. Suddenly, his face changed to a look of horror, I glanced over to where he was staring at, and saw that the little boy was tugging at the fixed joint of the portion of lights beside me. I hurried over to stop him, but I was too late. The connecting ports were already loose.
I was in a hurry, and the pair of heels I haven’t worn in two years were not obeying my orders to walk forth, so I fell forth.
The thing was just loose before, but after my frantic efforts, the lights fell. Just as it was about to crash down on me, I grabbed at something in the heat of the moment, and after some sparks and sizzles, I disappeared from the mall. *__* (fainted from the electrocution).
1/3 way done with chapter 5 of Singing Spring Melody and got a little bored, so I kinda started this. I realize I’m digging a huge hole here, but this will mainly be for my enjoyment. xD There are two novels but I took the internet version and translated that, the published version left stuff out and I just didn’t think it was the story I fell in love with. Since I actually didn’t finish reading this we’ll all be reading this for the first time! (It’s just that I’ll read it several times over and over again.)
Ignore anything political related things that you might not agree with, it’s a joke, the author put it there to be funny.
As always, please like, comment, and follow if you’ve enjoyed reading!~ Ciao! ❤
1 Main character’s name is 欧缘 or Ou Yuan, which sounds the same as 欧元, which the story tells us is the currency of the EU, so basically her name is Euro …. for now 😉↩
2 It’s a patriotic song, click here to listen to it —>LINK. Yeah, I gave you the original OLD music video xD ↩